Mindless Chaos

sleepy-sleep

2005-05-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

I am sleepy. Really sleepy. And I'm tired of being tired! I have noticed a pattern lately. When ever any one asks me how I am I always reply with "tired." That's not a good thing. I will be hanging out with my boyfriends and I'll say, "boy, I'm tired!" and he will say "what's new." I think this is a sign. I need to do something about this. And I think I know what I need to do. I have to quit my other job. I am just going crazy. I have thought a lot about this. I was really only taking the second job so that I could build up some extra money so that I could do my shows. Well I am currently not doing any shows so I think it's time to just let go. It's helping me a little with my finances, but just a little. And I need a raise from my full time job. I think that I deserve one. I am also working on finding a new job. That isn't going too well at the moment, but I am still working on it. I interviewed for an insurance agency but they went with a girl who had banking experience. THAT SUCKED! So, I am just going to quit my second job, just quit. I don't know when exactly, but I am going to do it. I want to spend the summer doing fun things. Not that theatre isn't fun, but I have missed so many get-togethers with my friends, so many family functions, and I am sad that I have been out of the loop for so long. I'm tired of always being yelled at if I miss a rehearsal because my grandma is in town or I didn't feel good that day. I love theatre and the people I work with, but I don't like that I can't have a life because of a show. I was really looking forward to doing "you're a good man charlie brown" but now that they've decided to do another show I don't want to give up my summer. I know they will probably call me too, and ask me why I didn't audition, but I just am not feeling that show. I have no interest, nor have I ever, in doing Chicago. I would love to go and watch it, but not do it. Any way, it's not like I'm not performing at all. My amazing friend Meagan has asked me to do another fundraiser. Those are always fun because I am doing it for a cause. Not for some money hungry company who is going under and clinging to every dollar they make so they can feed themselves. That sounded harsh, I know. Those people are my friends. It's just that sometimes I feel so used by them that I can't take it any more. I know they are trying to right their wrongs, but just when you think they are recovering and trying to get their affairs in order, they cut their legs out from under them by taking on a new project they can't afford. They preach to everyone about politics and how our President is taking all of us to hell with the way he is throwing our money away and shitting on everyone else, when they are doing the same thing (just on a smaller level). They really boil my blood sometimes. Any way, I think I am going to do that fundraiser. Aaron is an amazing student who is trying to do a little good for his community and I would love to help him and my local community out.
Well this turned into quite the rant. I started talking about my job and morphed into theatre. How silly am I? Well I have to go to work now. I don't want to get in trouble and loose the job that that supports me. Until next time....

~T

what's next?

2005-04-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't been a good blogger. I feel like I have been cheating on all my blog buddies (tm). I must confess, my friend Randy introduced me to the world of myspace.com. I have been blogging with another site *looks away in shame*. I actually haven't really been blogging. I only did it once and it felt dirty, but it's a little easier and more organized then blogger. It's more of a web site, and you can find almost anyone on it (as long as they have a space on myspace.com. I have found people from high school that I haven't talked to in over 5 years! That's no excuse for neglecting you, my blog buddies (tm). But I can't help but feel my straying has triggered catastrophic worldly disasters! Meagan, I confess, I was on myspace the day before I drove your car! NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!! David is leaving us all (great for him, sad for us)!!! The Ozone layer is thinning!! AND BRITNEY SPEARS IS PREGNANT!!!! Oh, the horror!! The horror! (I believe the latter is the worst of all, but at least now she can make that baby noise she calls singing to someone who will actually understand her now). She should be banned from procreation, but it was all my fault! If only I had been true to you, my blog buddies (tm), then the mini-Britney would never have been conceived! What's next?! What could my "myspacing" bring forth next?! Perhaps war in the Middle East?! Oh wait...
Any way, except my apologies, and visit myspace.com and look me up under Tanya L. Join if you like, I'll see you there.... AND HERE!!!

~T

My Coffee Hell

2005-03-15T12:13:00.000-08:00

So have you ever just had one of those days? Where everything seems to go wrong, and then it starts to look up and you think to yourself, “this could all turn around”? Well that’s how it was for me yesterday. The phones at work wouldn’t stop ringing, and the work was stacking up, I had to leave for my other job, and I was already late. I thought, it can’t get any worse! Then things started to go smoothly at the coffee hut. I was calming down and getting my work done. I thought to myself, I could actually get out of hear on time! Then the customer from HELL drove up. The one who orders three or four drinks and has four cars behind them. The one who, after you hand them their drinks there is something wrong with it AND they decided they want donuts too (donuts take about 2 minutes to make)!! Well needless to say, I tried to bite my tongue, I tried to deliver good customer service, but when the customer is an imbecile and are rude to me, I can’t just pretend that they didn’t say what they said or did what they did. ***NOTE TO ANYONE READING: Never, AND I MEAN NEVER piss someone off, or be rude to someone who is making your food/drink. You NEVER know what they will do to that which you will consume. You may think you have the upper hand because you are the customer, but you DON’T!*** So I may have been a little short with her, so what, I wasn’t going to let that bring what little there was of my good night back down to being one worst days I have had. So I sent her on her way and finished my night. *Ring, Ring* My boss calls me the next day (today) and tells me someone complained about me today (I wonder who?) Big deal, she was RUDE! And I told her that. She told me I needed to suck it up and be nice and apologies the next time she comes in. I told her I would think about it. She told me that I WOULD. In which I replied, “Well I will think about it if you think about giving me a raise! I have worked for you for OVER a YEAR and I still am making minimum wage! So I will apologies when I get a raise!” In which she says to me, “you will apologies or you wont be working here.” In which I replied “FINE, I WILL apologies, but you PROMISE me you will ask the owners to give me a raise.” She said “FINE!” Then I said “While I’m on a roll, there is something else I would like to discuss with you. You might want to take advantage of the temp agency who hired us, they have a thing called a “Random Drug Screen” and I’m positive, you will find that more then half of your employees wont pass! THEY SMOKE POT IN THE BATHROOM, WHILE AT WORK!” In which she replied “oh.” So I think I got a little carried away and got a bunch of people fired. Look, I don’t care what you do on your free time, but when you are doing drugs at work, and then do a pretty (excuse my French) shitty job and I have to clean up after you, then I have a problem! When your job gets in the way of your drinking, or your smoking then I have a problem! Well needless to say, if I don’t get my raise I will quit, and I wont have to worry about any of this any more. This store is hurting so bad for money that I wouldn’t doubt that they wont give me a raise, but they are also hurting for help. So they have to decide if they pay me and keep me, or deny me the raise I have earned and lose my services. I am so sick of that place!

So as it turns out, one of my favorite customers came in this morning and told my manager (without knowing that any of this went on) that that bitch of a customer was giving me a really hard time last night. How amazing that I had this wonderful woman lift my spirits like that. So thank you to “Grande South of the Boarder Breve” lady for backing my story up. You are in my prayers!

So now I am just waiting for my boss to call me back and let me know about the raise, and the drugs. I hope she doesn’t just come out and fire him, that she is more tactful and does a random drug screen on ALL of us. I know I am going to get it bad if she just fires him. Why do I care about this, or this job? I’m confusing even myself. At any rate, this will all be resolved soon. Wish me luck.

~T

I Dreamed a Dream of Time Gone By....

2005-03-10T16:34:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a dream about an old friend of mine. Tina. She was my best friend in college, and although it wasn't that long ago, I still miss her. We had a falling out. A small one, but we just stopped talking after a while. She was still going to college and I was "on a break" so our lives were different and time just got away from us. She has since graduated and moved to Oklahoma, or Texas. I'm not really sure. But it's a ways away from her small town in Maui. I had a dream about her. Nothing life changing or anything, I can't even remember what was said or done in the dream, just that she was in it. And I felt the love of a friendship that got me through so much struggle and depression during a very dark part of my life. I felt a sense of calm. I miss her. So I messaged her on the computer and told her I missed her. And she replied she missed me too. In talking to her I've realized that she was too big of a part of my life to have just shut out. I hope I don't lose her again. She a BEST friend. One of a few I have had, and call BEST. My Maui Sister, Tina.

~T

Lost and Found

2005-03-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: So I was at work today and I got a call from a man named Jimmy asking me if some random person worked here, I said no. He said well I have their cell phone and it's got this number listed under work. THEY FOUND MY PHONE! (a lot of good that does me seeing as it's disconnected *Dummys*) I understand that they didn't find my CD's, but finding the phone kind of makes me feel a little more at ease. They also had a purse and a bunch of other stuff from this other girl. That stuff either belonged to someone else who's stuff was stolen, or she was the person that stole my stuff! They had her drivers license, her Social Security Card and a bunch of other stuff. Who ever broke into these cars just wanted money and CD's *ehemDRUGSehem*, otherwise they could have stolen her identity and made off with a lot more stuff for free. Amateur wankers.

And yes Megan, New Kids on the Block. I was a huge New Kids fan when I was little, and I had those CD's because it reminded me of those times. I saw them in concert twice and I met them too. I will have to get a hold of my friend to copy them for me again. SO WHAT?!?

At any rate, I have all these people re-copying a bunch of CD's for me. And someone made a good point to me yesterday (a day too late, but oh well) She copies ALL her CD's for her car and keeps the originals at home, that way if someone steals them, she still has all of them at home. When I get a new CD collection I just might do that. I have already started! About a week ago I bought You're a Good Man Charlie Brown and Coffee House by Susan Egan. Luckily they came to me after this whole ordeal. It's nice to know that my new collection is starting off on such a "happy" note. Get it, "Happiness" from You're a Good.... Man.... Charlie Br- Oh, well never mind.

~T

Why Me?!

2005-03-02T11:25:00.000-08:00

UG, Why me?! My car was broken into last night! I was staying at my boyfriends house and they just broke in and stole ALL my CD’s, a Maglight, and my old Cell phone that was disconnected. They didn’t touch my stereo and they didn’t touch the CD’s in my visor, but they stole three cases of CD’s! Why I kept three cases of CD’s in my car is beyond me, I just never thought it would happen to me. So I walked out to my car this morning to go to work and I saw that my glove compartment was pulled open with all the stuff pulled out of it. I was a little puzzled and confused. I still hadn’t realized what happened until I saw that my door was unlocked and open on the passenger side. I quickly check my sterio, and then I checked under my seats. They stole all three cases and there were so many CD’s! I KNOW THAT DOOR WAS LOCKED!!!!!!!!!!!! I ALWAYS LOCK MY DOORS!!!!!!!!!! So many that people had burned many of those CD's for me as gifts. Gifts that I can never get back. My boyfriend gave me a bunch of musical CD’s for Christmas and I lost all of them. He can just burn me more, but that just sucks! I have no other words for it other then it SUCKS! There weren’t many CD’s that I bought that I still listen too, I had a pretty random selection. Jay Z, Garth Brooks, Bob Marley, ACDC, Journey, New Kids on the Block, ALL MY BROADWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Miss Saigon, West Side Story, Little Shop, Jeckyll & Hide, Grease, Godspell, City of Angels, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Beauty and the Beast, Les Miserables, Rent, Urine Town, Woody Guthrie’s American Song… SO MANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sad. A lot of those shows I was in, so I have a connection to those CD’s. Why me?! I am so upset. My life sucks!
~T

House Sitters Dream

2005-02-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's so nice to house sit for someone with such a great house. I can keep myself occupied all day at Meagan’s house! I can play the piano, I can play with Madeline, I can wake up Poco, I can sleep, I can watch TV, or I can read a book, or I can computerize (as Meagan calls it). I was going to blog from her house, but I didn't get a chance to yet. Sleepy, sleepy. I love that she left me a typed note with bunch of different fonts. I must have spent 10 minutes trying to read it. Some of those fonts make the actual word look like a whole other word, so some of the sentences didn't make sense the first time around. And she made me a CD! I was delightfully surprised to pop the CD in to find that she had recorded the accompaniment a few of my favorite songs to sing! I was so happy! I have been playing it in my car non-stop since I got it and singing at the top of my lungs! I love Wicked. I love Kristen Chenoweth! Any way, all is going well so far, no major problems. I did have a spider greet me as I was stepping out of the shower this morning. That was a little tramatic for me. But I handled it as only the best house sitter could, I ran away screaming! When I came back a few minutes later it was gone. *phew* Well, now I have to go to work, I just wanted to let meagan know that nothing died on me and the house hasn't burned down yet.

~T

24 Yrs on Earth, and What Do I Have to Show For It?

2005-02-02T09:42:00.000-08:00

So I kind of got caught being on the computer too much at work. I admit, it was my own fault, but I love my Blog Buddies ™ so much I couldn’t stop checking to see who had a new entry and who had commented on them. So now I am writing my first entry in a while, and I hope I don’t get caught again or it will be the end of my relationship with you all.

So even though I have had all this time to not blog, I still have nothing significant to say. Saturday February 5th is my birthday. That’s right I will be 24! I have nothing planned. Well that’s not true, I am going to Shoji’s for dinner with my parents and my boyfriend. But because I have to work both Saturday and Sunday at the crack of dawn I can’t really go out and celebrate. Not to mention that I have to work my birthday with the manager from HELL, where her favorite phrase of the day will be “What can Tanya make for you today?” She wont lift a finger except to juice her disgusting carrot, broccoli, and spinach drink. *Blech* :-P
I am this close { } to quitting that damn job! My manager is now scheduling me FIVE, count them, one, two, three, four, FIVE days this week!!!! How the hell am I supposed to do that and NOT loose my other job that supports me?!?! I finally called my manager and told her three, FOUR days MAX! NO MORE! She told me that if I had a problem she could find someone else to do the job. Oh get over yourself! I don’t really take this shit from her. So I fired back at her and I told her when I took this job that two-three days was all I could work, now I work four! The thing is, when I found someone to cover my Wednesday shift one of the other employees (We’ll call her Tamara, cause that's her name) had a fit because she had asked the same person to work her shift that day. So, according to Tamara, I should just suck it up and work (never mind I had asked this other person first) because she really needed this day off. When I inquired what was so important that she simply had to have this day free, this was her reasoning why: “I have bowling league on Tuesday and I drink a lot so therefore I don’t like to work Wednesday because I’ll have a hang over.” WHAT?! Mind you, this was the old manager from the other store. Wow, so it’s the difference between your hang over, and my other job… Well that’s simple! Of course I will work! I mean if you HAVE to drink an obscene amount to be hung over ALL DAY the next day, then far be it from me to care whether or not I lose my other job because of this minimum wage, dead end, no where job! And, oh yes, after ONE YEAR of working there I am still making minimum wage! But hey, every little bit helps, right? BUGGER OFF !!!!!!!

*phew* I guess I did have some stuff to say. I feel better now. Still doesn’t mean I want to work there, but I feel better none-the-less. I think I am going to go to Arty’s T-Shirts and make myself a birthday T-shirt so I can get people to tip me more on Saturday. But for now it’s back to the grind stone. Work, work, work… is that all I do? My life has no meaning. *blaaaaaaa* :-P

~Tanya

Sock it 2 Me!

2005-01-20T14:11:00.000-08:00

You are a sock.

You are a cozy, fuzzy, warm-hearted person. A lot of your friends describe you as a hopeless romantic. You fall for the opposite sex very easily. But be careful, because usually you don't know what you are getting into, and because you are very sensitive, you can get hurt... especially in early relationships. Also, don't exclude the cold-hearted from your "want-list", because they just might be looking for a kind person to warm up their heart.... or a sock to warm up their feet.Most compatible with: Toiletpaper

Wow, I've always wanted to know I was something that is walked all over ;-)

Bo Do Dio

2005-01-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

I'm at work... I have stuff I should do.... but I don't want to do it... I'm bored right now, and I could make myself unbored, but I am too bored and lazy to do that. I don't have anything to talk about, but I feel like doing something, so here I am... writing.... about nothing....

Randi was back in town, she is fun! She doesn't know I have a blog, and sometimes I want to tell her, and other times I don't.... I think she would get a kick out of it, she would have fun commenting on it. I even think she would like to do one herself if she had time, but I don't know if I want to tell her yet. I like my Blog Buddies (tm) and I kind of fell like I'm in an exclusive club. She has her Webster University club and I have my Blog club. The only difference is she tells me all the things that go on at Webster, and I don't tell her anything about the Blogging. Hmm.... It's not that I would be embarrassed about my blog, the people that are reading it can testify to the fact that I don't have much to say, I just like having my own little secret that I share with only a few people.

Randi goes home in two days :-( That makes me sad. I have just gotten used to her being back and then she up and leaves. She wont be back until summer, which isn't really that long. Time seems to go by a lot faster these days. Maybe it's because I have all these jobs and activities in my life that don't allow me to rest and realize that there is time to do anything.

*pause to think for a moment*

I remember what it was like when I didn't have all these things to do. When I actually had time to do things. I didn't really do anything. In fact I think I just sat around doing nothing. And I was bored, kind of like I am now, but a lot more bored. And a lot poorer. I'm poor right now, but not as poor.

I want some ice-cream, and some popcorn. Chocolate ice-cream and lightly butter popcorn. Mmmmmm..... I'm not hungry, I just have a craving.

I think I might go home and take a nap after work. My mom left at 11:00 today and she decided she wasn't coming back. So she told me I don't have to come in until 10:00 tomorrow so I get to sleep in. So maybe I wont take a nap, cause that is a lot of sleep and it will only make me more tired. I really want to spend money, but I don't have a lot right now, and the money I will soon be acquiring from my paycheck from the Java hut will go to bills. Bills bills bills. My life is one big bill. Ho-hum.

I want Chinese food for dinner.

I just checked my cell phone, no one has called me all day. I could call someone and leave them a message, and then they could call me back, but I don't really have anything to say.

It's almost 3:00 now, just an hour and a half before I leave! I'm going to go home... go home and do nothing. Maybe I'll clean my house... but that's no fun..... I wish I were in a show. I really want to do a musical right now. But not DumbDotSense. I really want to do "Urine Town." It's a funny show. So is "Thoroughly Modern Millie"- Bo Do Dio.

Well I think I am going to do something else now... Maybe I'll go and comment on some peoples blogs. Maybe I'll just look at other peoples blogs and be a Blog Stalker (tm). Until next time...

~T

Singin' the Nunsense Blues...

2005-01-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

I just got back from an amazing trip in Central Oregon! I know what you are thinking, "amazing" and "Central Oregon" are not words that usually go together, but this trip was amazing! Well it started out as a slow Saturday morning trying to get my boyfriends to get on the road, when all of the sudden it was 5:00 pm!! I was so mad, that I made him drive me any way. You see I had planned to spend Jan 1-2 with my friends from high school up at SunRiver because my boyfriend had to work new years. We had this planned for a long time, I knew he didn't really want to go, but I rarely see my friends and I was really excited to see them! He wasn't too happy to be driving in the snow that late at night to a place he didn't want to go to in the first place, but he knew how much it meant to me, and that alone was the driving force to keep his foot on the gas. So we finally get my friends cabin at 10:00 pm to find that they were all drunk and stupid, and there were no beds! We stayed for an hour and hopped back in the care to go to the Super 8 Motel. Is it wrong of me to not want to hang out with my friends whom I have known forever and love dearly? They were all just really annoying! None of them live here anymore and we all have separate lives now. I have new friends and different interests and some times I feel like they just don't get me anymore. Moving on...

Well my boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Eagle Crest Resort for almost a week (it would have been a week if I didn't have two bloody jobs!). We had so much fun! We went shopping, went walking in the snow (brrrr), Gambling at Ka-Nee-Ta (I don't recommend going there unless you have a whole day to spend DRIVING cause it's BEYOND the middle of NO WHERE!), and we finished up our time with sledding! I think the latter was my favorite part. He rented this beautiful town home and it was so relaxing and just plain fun. I didn't want to come home, but work was calling and there was just no escaping those damn bills!

So I came back to find in my e-mail an announcement from the Dots. I am really annoyed with them. I realize that I was gone for about a week, and the world does not revolve around me, but auditions are TODAY and TOMORROW for their next show that I would love to be in. But because I didn't have the proper notice I don't think I will have time to audition. That SUCKS!! Magn, what should I do?! I'm going to call you later :-(

Formerly Happy, Now Down & Out,

~T

Into the Deep Blue Abyss

2004-12-29T09:19:00.000-08:00

I was recently reading David's blog and it got me all emotional. This whole tidal wave thing is so horrible. I keep seeing pictures and reading articles and quotes and it makes me so sad. I can't do anything to help. Could you imagine sitting in your home and having your family ripped out of your arms and swept out to sea? A tidal wave is one of my BIGGEST fears, and I have a lot of them. I have a lot of unfounded fears, but they are still mine. I have nightmares about this event. I have a lot of nightmares, a lot of nights. Sometimes multiple nightmares in one night. That could be why I am so desensitized in every day life. I dream up all these horrible things in my head that are far worse then anything in real life, well until the tidal wave. I am such a worry wart. Maybe that's why I have an ulcer. I know that almost 100,000 people (as the latest reports indicate could total) dying in such a horrible display of Mother Nature is really not going to help my acidic stomach be calm. People are starting to blame God, and question why HE would do this to them, and what did they do to deserve such a catastrophe. Maybe this was something that was to wake ALL of us up. It's when people start to question their faith that hits me hardest. I guess maybe it's because I have been there. I have questioned Him, and blamed Him and been so upset at Him that I would not talk to Him. But I know better now, and even though it has brought me closer in my personal relationship with God, it's still hard to hear people blame Him. I am not a very religious person but I have my beliefs and my love for God, I can only pray that the people affected by this can recover and find their beliefs and their love for their God again.

See, all this worrying had my ulcer hurting, I'm going to go take a prilosec.

Tanya

Oh Where, Oh Where Can My Sister Be?

2004-12-23T11:24:00.000-08:00

Well this is not starting out to be a good holiday. My sister flew all the way from NY to Las Vegas, got in at 11:00 pm only to have her connecting flight to Medford be CANCELED!!! Canceled due to "weather conditions" which is the airlines way of copping out of paying for a hotel. Wankers! Damn you Mother Nature! Then they could only book her on a flight that would leave at the same time today which means she wouldn't get in until 1-1:30 am! Chances are her flight would be canceled for a second time and I would never see her again! She would be stuck in Las Vegas, drunk from the free drinks she would get from sitting at the slots, with no money because she spent it at the slots, no place to stay, becoming a stripper to be able to eat all while dragging her little dog around in his traveling case.... Oh the horror, the horror! So she booked herself a flight to San Francisco and is renting a car to drive the rest of the way here. My poor, poor sissy. So needless to say, all our plans have been messed up. I was going to take her to a CTD show, but that plan was foiled! She was supposed to get her dog "fixed" but there will be no ball choppin' for him this Christmas. The holiday is ruined for all parties involved.... Well not really, I just have a Bah-Hum-Bug attitude and this is just contributing to it. Soooooooo now I have to sit and wait. Wait and sit. I WANT MY SISTER!!!
On a good note, I got all the presents I ordered in the mail. I should have just mailed my sister, That way she would be here right now!!

~T

Tis the Season of Disappearing Funds

2004-12-22T09:03:00.000-08:00

Now don’t get me wrong, I love spending money on my loved one. It’s just that at the end of the year, it’s kind of depressing when ALL my money is gone. Now I don’t blame the ones I buy for, I blame myself because I get so darn carried away! I have gone absolutely insane! Every time I see something that they may like, I snag it and purchase it, no matter what the price, even if I could get it at Wal-Mart for cheaper. Ug. I’m out of control. And the worst part is, after all the money I spent I don’t even know if the gifts will be here in time!! I ordered a lot of them over the internet and they are supposed to arrive by tomorrow, but knowing my luck they wont come until after Christmas!

On a happier note (for me at least) my grandpa is better! I know I haven’t said anything to indicate that he wasn’t well, but he wasn’t. He is my favorite grandparent and one of my few family members I am close with so I was very worried about him. I know what you are thinking, how could I have a favorite, but if you have ever met the others you would understand. He lives in Sacramento and went in last Friday for open heart surgery. He was only going to have a single bypass, but ended up having a quadruple instead! He was in ICU on dialysis for possible kidney failure. He had fluid in his lungs and I also found out they had to give him an electrical SHOCK!! His heart beat was too high so they had to shock him to bring it down!!!! No one told me any of this until he got out of ICU today. In a way I am happy I didn’t know, but in another I was kind of upset that I was shut out. If something had happened to him and no one told me I would have been furious! I have been having dreams about him every night since he went in, and I was so scared that he wouldn’t be ok, but I called him just 5 minutes ago and spoke with him. He will be out for Christmas. I sent him a card before he went in, but I’m not sure that he received it until after his surgery. It was a cute card with a boy (I altered it to look like a girl) with his arms open wide to give the recipient a big hug. I told him that it wasn’t a real hug cause that would hurt his ribs (they had to saw them open to get to his heart), it was a mental hug of love. I love my grandpa. I miss him. Just knowing he is ok is the best Christmas present I could have received.

My sister is coming home tomorrow! She will be flying in from NY for Christmas. I am really excited even though I saw her just a month ago, but I love her and miss her a lot. I am really excited for some of my friends to meet her too. I was going to try to drag her to the CTD function, but I don’t want to pay $50 a ticket. I wonder if we could go and not eat. I will call CTD later and ask. I got my sister the best Christmas present ever! We always said that if we were going to get a tattoo (not going to happen) that we would get the infinity symbol together. Well I didn’t get her a tattoo, but I got her a ring with the symbol on it! We have looked everywhere for this, and the infinity symbol is not that easy to come by on jewelry. I had them put a note inside the box that says “Sisters for Infinity.” I can’t wait for Christmas!!!

Well I’m sure this is my last entry until next week, but I wish all of you and your family’s a very merry Christmas!

PARTY!

2004-12-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I must admit, that Blog Buddy (tm) party was very fun! I knew I would have fun, but I had more fun then I thought I would originally have! Thanks to Charlie Brown for for helping me out with my links. I am so excited to be able to just click and go! Thanks to Mama Piano and Mo for hosting the party. I am sad that Grumpy will be going away. I have only just started to get to know you, and I like you. But we will always have our blogs. I am very happy to have been able to participate in the party with all of you. I really have no life, so when you feel the urge to get your party on again feel free to call or blog me and I would love to play again!

Well the last time I left you all I had gone a little crazy with the "holiday" decorations at my work. Well I came in today and found that my Boss went even CRAZIER! He brought in TWO trees and hung more decorations up around the office. Oh, I can't wait for the Sh*t to hit the fan!

So other then the Blog Buddy (tm) party, I didn't really do much this weekend. I hung out with my boyfriend who is soooo good to me. He has been very patient with me and my inability to open up about what’s going on in my head and in my heart. I have been hurt many times, not just in relationships with guys but with friends and family as well, so it is easier for me to be funny and disconnected then it is to be serious and deep about my feelings. I have been trying to explain things to him but it's hard. So as a special treat I went to the Olive Garden and got us dinner-to-go so we could sit at home and watch The Simpsons. It was a lot of fun. I like him a lot. He is a really personal/shy person though, so it's hard for me to get him to come out with me and my friends, or even to meet my parents. I have been trying though, and I know I will break him down soon. I can't wait.

And now I must return to my work, I have spent far too long on here commenting and writing.

~T

Happy, er, Holiday?

2004-12-10T13:16:00.000-08:00

To all those who are Celebrating this time of year: Have a great Politically Correct Holiday.

X-Mas Spirit, blah, blah, blah

2004-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

Well I think I have finally gone mad! I really do! I am not one to get all excited with the Christmas spirit. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas because that means I get to be around my friends and family that I love very much. I love giving people things and then seeing their faces (I also like getting things too ;-) . But when it come to the music and the decorations, I'm not one to join in. More then likely it just annoys me. HOWEVER, I do not, nor will I ever be offended by them, or Hanukkah for that matter. It just boggles my mind how people can get their panties all in a bunch over something, that no matter where they go, they are going to see. Understanding, of course, that I work in Ashland we have to walk on egg shells a lot of the time, but let me just tell you what went down in my office yesterday:

It's always something, from the election, to the way we file our charts, to wall hangings, and now to this holiday season. One of the doctors in my clinic is Jewish (we call her "Feng Shui" because she is a weird hippy Ashland lady too) my boss is Christian. Now he is a very understanding man, and he is more then accepting of those with differences, like a true Christian should be. So when he kindly asked "Feng Shui" if he could put some Christmas decorations up in the lobby that we share and she said No, you can almost understand where she is coming from. She felt as though it would make HER feel uncomfortable. So he offered to let her decorate for Hanukkah as well, but here is when she gets crazy, she said no to that as well. She didn't want to make others feel uncomfortable with her Hanukkah decorations. COME ON! So I rebelled, I started my own revolution to the demise of the Holiday spirit! I went to the Dollar Store and wiped them out! So when I came to work today I went crazy, garland and holly everywhere, stockings and a tiny Christmas tree now adorn my window that faces the lobby. Technically I did not decorate the lobby, just my little window. MY window, MY space, for ME and MY fellow employees/boss. She CANNOT take away my right to celebrate my beliefs, THE RIGHT TO RELIGION! This is my FREEDOM of EXPRESSION, and she will not take that from me. We have given her the chance (and we still are) to express her beliefs as well, but she declined. So come Monday we will see how "Feng Shui" handles tolerance. We have tolerated her for a long time, and we are tired of tip-toeing around her because she is too easily offended. I have put my foot down this time, NO LONGER WILL I BE MADE TO SUPRESS MY FEELINGS OR BELIEFS! Never have I forced or imposed them on anyone, and I still refuse to do so, but my inner artist is screaming at me! I will not let "Feng Shui" suppress me anymore! LONG LIVE THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT!

You want to know the funny thing about this whole situation? She is participating in our "Christmas" Exchange. How hypocritical can one be?

~T

Wicked Was So Wicked!

2004-12-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

First let me tell you about some of the stuff I did in New York leading up to Wicked. We walked through Chinatown. We went shopping. But have you ever looked for something so hard and found it only to realize it was right under your nose in the first place? Well my sister and I went to the Empire State building, but we had to go all the way to Time Square and walk to it because that was that only way she knew how. And I'm from Oregon for pete sakes, how was I supposed to know where it was? Well we found it, after walking about 2 or 3 miles and after standing in line for 80 minutes and getting to the top only to have it be too cold and windy to stand it, we made the short 5 minute treck down to the bottom, and back to Time Square to take the subway back to the hotel. Would you believe it, we got off that subway and started our 2 block strole to our hotel when my sister and I looked up at the same time and realized we were only 5 blocks away from that damned bulding to start out with! My feet will never forgive me. And did you know, that less then 24 hours before that, some man jumped off the top of the Empire State bulding and killed himself?! What are the odds, what are the odds...

And now Wicked....

Oh my goodness, I have never been so overjoyed to watch a show in my life. Before the show even started I started crying, then when Idina (Elphaba, the wicked witch) entered I cried again! And when she sang "Defying Gravity" I just about wet myself! It was the most amazing show I have ever seen. Monkey's flying over the audience, flying witches, and Joey McIntyre from New Kids! I went to the stage door intending to get Idina's autograph and picture but was pleasantly surprised when Joey came out too! I got my picture with him and will be sending it to all my friends who are fellow New Kids fans. Idina's husband (Tay Diggs) showed up and right then and there I knew she wouldn't be coming out to sign autographs. I was a little p.o. if you know what I mean. It only took each member of the cast 5 minutes, TOPS, to sign and take pictures. I was really let down. But oh well, I will always have Joey.

But back to the show...

The show, the show, the show. I can't even put into words how I felt sitting in my seat (which was in the cheep "obstructed viewing" section but was an amazing seat any way). When that music started I almost died. It was like being in heaven. I would love to someday be able to be lucky enough to perform on Broadway (just a small dream of mine) but for now I will have to settle with watching Broadway. The costumes were amazing, not some mismatched second hand store hand-me-downs that my productions seem to have, and the sets were from a dream. If only my small community theatre company had a budget. And the talent. I have loved ever production I have been in, don't get me wrong, but to work with such talent would be amazing. Although I would be so awestruck that I wouldn't be able to sing a note for fear of sounding like an ass. The lights, the special effects, the trap doors in the floor! Uhg! I'm GREEN with envy (no pun intended). I wish that I could have taken all of my theatre friends with me. I wish they all could have shared the experience with me. My sister was a blast to take, I am so happy to have brought her, but to bring people with the same passion as I have for theatre would have been amazing. To anyone reading this: GO TO NEW YORK! If not to see this show, to see ANY show. Every trip, every show I have seen I hold dear to my heart. But this one is beyond words. This one was special. I will never forget it.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you I have been changed for good." Wicked

-T

Give My Regards to Broadway!

2004-11-24T22:09:00.000-08:00

I am so excited. I get to spend the thanksgiving holiday with my big sissy in New York! It will just be two silly girls going crazy in the Big Apple. We will be painting Chinatown red and eating lots of hotdogs all in anticipation of seeing one of the greatest shows on broadway at this time, "Wicked". I fly out at 7:00am from Portland tomorrow (thanksgiving :-( no turkey for me). That means I (and the WONDERFUL lady who will be driving me from Eugene) will have to get up and be out on the road at 3:00am!! Crazy! I can't wait!!!! I will tell all you loyal readers (Mike and Meagan) about it when I get back! Until then, Give my regards!

Love,

~T

A night at the Theatre

2004-11-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I had a fun night last night. I went to the Theatre to see a Broadway tap show. It was a great show, but I must admit I wouldn't have gone to see it if it hadn't been for the person who invited me. Yes, I have a crush, which is rare. I wont name names just yet because I don't want to jinx it, but he is great. He is a theatre person just like me, only from the other spectrum of the theatre world. He keeps inviting me to shows with him. I think he is trying to woow me with my one true love, and I think it's working. Now for those of you who don’t know, I DO NOT date theatre people. This has been a strict rule of mine since college. But because he isn't an actor it’s different, way different. Oh to be "in like", it just makes ya feel good.

T